A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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