You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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