Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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