Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
