Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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