i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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