Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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