I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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