My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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