Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
