I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
