you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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