do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
