So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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