It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
