the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
