She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
