Jerry, you need to find god
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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