Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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