so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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