I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
