I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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