I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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