Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
