He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
