There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
