Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
