That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I cockslap morals
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
