They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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