when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
