Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
