She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
