i wish starbucks made bloody marys
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
ttyl tear gas
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
wow bdsm is so cute
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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