Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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