Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
