Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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