OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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