Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
