I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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