so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
