He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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