wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
