I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
