is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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