I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
