ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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