At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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