Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
