...so i touched it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
