I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
