just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
